My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So vagazzling was a success
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
