I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
