If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How does one acquire holy water?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
