I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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