why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize