dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dignity is for republicans.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
