I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
