it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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