Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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