yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
