Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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