we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize