i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
