That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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