So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
