paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
