if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Terrible idea I love it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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