There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry about my life...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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