I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
