party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize