I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
