your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize