this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
