Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
