i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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