Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
