toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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