k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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