girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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