I think my fart just growled at me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
