cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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