don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
