I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
