Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
