apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize