HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
