Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
