I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
50% drunk capacity currently
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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