she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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