Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize