come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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