I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
