What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i've created a new STD.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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