Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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