so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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