5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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