I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
