I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
