apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
