I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
this will be a night to untag.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
