tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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