The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
