I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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