operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
