you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
