life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
