her vagina looked like bernie madoff
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
