I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
