I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
