you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
