im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
