Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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