Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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