and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
