Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
