foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm having to shit out rocks
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