I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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