I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
