The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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