Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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