im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just pee around me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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