how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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