Do you still have your period?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
