I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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