i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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