Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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