he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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