Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
