dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
