the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize