And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am available for nakedness
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
