Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
