When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize