Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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