Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
