I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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