Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
