12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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