I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
