HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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