wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize