You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
