Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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