this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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