It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
