The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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