Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
