Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
