oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
