You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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