Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
