So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
